In? my work with couples, I am seeing an evolution of men that is both refreshing and somewhat surprising.? About 25 years ago in 1989, a study done by two researchers at Florida State University published a now well known study (Clark and Hatfield, 1989) wherein the researchers recruited reasonably attractive women to randomly approach male students on campus and tell them that they found them attractive, and then posed 1 of ?3 questions to the student.? Some asked their man on a date, some asked their man to come over that night, and some asked him, point blank, to have sex.? About 70% of the men agreed to visit the lady?s apartment, and 75% accepted the proposition to have sex.
?That study seemed to confirm what every stereotype anyone ever promulgated about men?.they want sex and the sooner the better.? But what these psychologists did was go further.? They went on to interview the men and found that what (heterosexual) men want is yes, women, and yes, sex, but many men also want a good personality, and men sometimes like a good romantic comedy (read chic flick), and men want to cuddle.? And this is a carefully conducted psychological study, not a Hallmark card.?? It turns out that there is a fair amount of variability among men.? Some of us like chunky peanut butter and some like creamy. ?Some of us like our eggs fried, and some like them scrambled.
?An ongoing multi-campus study of men, yet to be published but the results were presented at last year?s APA conference, showed that among men who are not looking for casual sex, there is often a lack of emotional language to help these men be able to say, ?I really want to know my partner before we have sex.? I want to feel something deeper.? I want to feel a connection before we have sex.?
?This entry is sparked by a number of couples whom I have seen in the last few years wherein men, as much as their wives, are looking for more depth in their relationship as a means of enhancing their sexual relationship.?? Men as much as women are looking for sexual intimacy, along with a healthy sexual relationship.? According to a recent Kinsey Institute study, men?s sexual satisfaction in a relationship is as related as a woman?s, to the frequency of sexual intimacy, defined as kissing, cuddling, and hugging.? Kinsey reports that men are 3 times as happy if they snuggle up to their partner regularly, than if they do not.
?And so it seems that men are evolving beyond the serotype of wanting to get laid.? Men are wanting what women have always wanted.? Depth, commitment, love, and connection.? And so it seems that men are evolving into being more complete men, who enjoy sexual relationships as a natural outgrowth of deep love.? ???
Source: http://drtepp.com/relationships/mens-sexuality-and-its-evolution-in-2013/
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